The Jediship of the Circuit
by Shattered Reality
Summary: A SW/LOTR crossover containing random insanity, including casting Yoda as Gollum. The author does not suggest reading this while drinking or eating, as you may choke to death laughing. ENJOY!!!
1. JC The Insanity Begins

Okay, okay, I know it's been done before but I wanted to try it: the Star Wars characters as the characters from the Lord of the Rings. (A/N: Let's not concern ourselves with the fact that not all of these people were alive at the same time, okay? And also, pretend that everyone speaks English...) However, I think that my cast may suprise you - some of them were deliberately chosen for the roles that would least suit them for amusement *laughs evilly*  
  
  
Characters:  
Bilbo ~ Anakin Solo  
Frodo ~ Luke  
Sam ~ Leia  
Merry ~ Han  
Pippin ~ Obi-Wan  
Gandalf ~ Boba Fett  
Gollum ~ Yoda  
Tom Bombadil ~ Chewbacca  
Strider/Aragorn ~ Jacen  
Legolas ~ Jaina  
Gimli ~ R2-D2  
Boromir ~ C3PO   
Elrond ~ Qui-Gon  
Saruman ~ Darth Maul  
Sauron ~ Darth Vader  
Ringwraiths ~ Ewoks  
  
  
  
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Just as hopelessly lost as always, Anakin wandered around what seemed like an endless maze of tunnels. Oh, how he hated tunnels. So dark, so dreary, so muddy... so tunnel-like. He cursed at the fact that his ship had chosen to crash just then, landing him in this desolate wasteland. Wading through some stagnant water, he saw something up ahead. What was it?   
  
Suddenly, he felt a searing pain across his ankles. Whirling around, he saw a little green troll hitting him with a cane. "Come to steal my precioussss, you have! Nasty little creature, you are! You shall never get my preciousss circuit! It's mine!" *thwack* "Mine, say I! Mine, it is!" *whack* "Never let yous have it, I won't! It's mine, all mine! My preciousssss!!!" *thwack*  
  
Standing there staring at the munchkin, the first thought that of course lept to mind was, 'What asylum did this thing escape from anyway?' But he needed a new circuit to fix his ship and get off the planet, so he decided that he'd have to get it. However he could.  
  
And so, grabbing the circuit from the green gargoyle, Anakin dashed away.   
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"And so," droned Anakin, "That is how I got the circuit from the evil slug-creature and became a hero!" Luke stared at him skeptically. "Right, Uncle Anakin. You stole a circuit from a hideous beast. Like I really believe you." Anakin shoved his sweaty, dirty hand straight into Luke's face. "You don't believe me? Look! Look at that scar! That's from where it bit me!"  
  
Luke almost passed out from the stench. "Okay..." he muttered and ran into the 'fresher to hurl.  
  
Suddenly, Boba Fett burst into the room, screaching in a little girl's voice, "IS IT HIDDEN? IS IT SAFE?" Luke stopped gagging and watched as the bounty hunter tore the circuit from Uncle Anakin's hands. "YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT! WE MUST DESTROY IT!" With this, he threw the circuit into the fire. "Umm. Erm. If you don't mind me asking... what the hell do you think that you're doing?!" hollered Luke. Boba Fett glared at him. "You fool! This is not just any circuit, this is the One Circuit! The Dark Side is searching for it, and it must be destroyed at all costs! For if they get it, they will have the power to build the fastest podracers in the galaxy and they will beat our poor Rebel pilots in the Annual Podracing Grand Prix, humiliating them beyond belief! For only the Dark Side has the power to use it" He paused for a moment. "Oh, and I think that it also lets them take over the universe and make all of mankind their slaves or something, but that's not really the issue right now."  
  
Anakin shook his fist at the fire. "Burn, wicked Circuit, burn! Rebel podracers kick ass!"  
  
  
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Three Circuits for the Jedi under the sky,  
Seven for the Wookies in their halls of stone,  
Nine for Ewoks doomed to die,  
One for the Sith on his shadowed throne  
In the universe of Star Wars where the Death Star lies.  
One Circuit to rule them all, One Circuit to find them,  
One Circuit to bring them all and in the darkness bind them,  
In the universe of Star Wars where the Death Star lies.  
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Author's Notes: Like it? Next chapter contains Leia hitting Luke with gardening shears, Boba Fett in wizard robes, and other such random insanity! REVIEW!!! 


	2. JC Message

Something horrible beyond belief has just happened to me. I can't really begin to describe it truely, because it still hurts to say what happened. It hurt enough to write about it the first time as well, and I don't know if I can stand to write about it again. Please, just go and read this: http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1076286  
  
Please at least try to understand how upset I am right now...  
  
  
  
- This fic has been posponed until I get enough of a grip on my sanity to do anything but cry. - 


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